Wednesday, July 31, 2013

How do we capture the moments?

Lately my two year old has been getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, which would usually annoy me but there is something about him that is special and unique.  He has an aura about him.  It's not even something I can put into words exactly, it's something you can just feel when you are around him.  His smile is absolutely infectious.  I can't even be tired when it's that late at night once I see him smile and hear his angelic voice. 

As I sat up with him tonight, I wished I had my video camera.  He was laughing and making jokes.  I was laughing out loud at how funny he is.  He has such an uplifting energy, an energy that immediately puts you in a good mood.  I want to capture him on video so I can always remember how he was at this age.  It makes me sad to think that there will come a day when I don't remember how he sounded, laughed, behaved at two years old.

So how do we capture those memories, those precious everyday moments?  I take a lot of pictures but that doesn't capture the sounds.  I try to video tape important events but it doesn't showcase our every day life.  I have the feeling that even if I could tape every moment of everyday, it still wouldn't be enough to help me remember it.  You would think that maybe just certain ages would be the cutest.  Infancy, toddler years, kinder years.  But I look at all my children ranging from 7 months to 6 years and they all seem to be at the most precious age.

Maybe when my children have children, I will be able to remember how my children were by seeing how my grandchildren are.  I just hope that I can capture enough tidbits on camera and enough special moments in photos that I won't forget all of it.  More than anything I want to remember the joy that has been brought into my life by God through the light that is emanating from these beautiful children He has gifted me.  I know people think we are crazy when we say we are open to more children, but when I see these four beautiful faces every day, I can't imagine not having them as a member of our family because of all the unique gifts they bring.  Therefore, how could I say no to the idea of bringing in another family member who will bring even more great memories of love, laughter and learning!

Please God watch over my beautiful children, and help me to capture all the moments, the ordinary and the extraordinary, found in each day!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Love the sinner...

I can't help but marvel at the optimism that children exude.  I can't stand going to my husband's softball games.  It's a half hour away, ruins the nighttime/bath schedule, it's boring, and it's not fun to try managing four little kids in the stands.  My husband always wants us to go and since his season is almost done, we decided to go today.  This causes me to already be irritated.  I packed a dinner for each of the kids, including the baby.  It was cold and cloudy when we got there but I had checked the radar ahead of time and it was supposed to be clear, trust me, I was looking for any excuse not to go!  After about five minutes it started misting.  I was wet, cold, uncomfortable, irritated and ready to go home.  My children on the other hand were loving it!

They did not complain one time about the weather even though they were just as wet as I was.  Even the baby was in a great mood and usually she is clamoring to get out of her stroller.  I am just in awe of my children.  Not once did they complain about the rain, they didn't even seem to notice how wet they were!  They didn't complain about their dinners.  They didn't complain about not being able to go to the park because of the rain.  They ran around, laughing and playing for an hour while I stood there grumpily in my damp clothes. 

How is it that children seem to find the positive even in a sea full of negatives?  How is it that they can figure out a way to have fun without toys, playgrounds, etc.?  Sometimes I think we grown ups get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of our days that we forget to see all the goodness around us.  We are so worried about something our coworker said or did, that we overlook the positives in our work environment.  We are so worried about making sure we are stretching our pennies each month that we overlook being thankful for the pennies we have coming in each month.  We are irritated with our spouse for doing or not doing something that we underappreciate what they have helped with. 

One of the things I love most about being a mom is that it gives me a unique opportunity to see things through the eyes of my children.  They constantly find the goodness around them.  Children constantly see the goodness in others.  It hurts me to even have to have a conversation with them about people that might not have good intentions because I don't want to break their innocence.  Jesus taught a constant message of love and acceptance.  He was always teaching that our job is not to judge others, that job is left to our almighty Father.  Why do we take it upon ourselves to see the bad around us, albeit in a situation or another person?  Why is it so hard for us as a people to find the goodness in others and ourselves?

God wanted us to treat others the way we want to be treated but how often do we actually do that?  When we are wronged, do we forgive?  Because we all make mistakes and we would all want to be forgiven.  When children have an argument, they yell, cry, retaliate, but are playing again moments later as if the disagreement never took place.  Pope Frances made a statement that if gays are trying to become closer to God, who are we to judge?  Why does this even make the news?  Why is this some sort of new concept?  Jesus has always taught us to love each other, to forgive each other, to help each other.  Imagine what the world would be like if we looked for the good in others and situations around us, rather than concerning ourselves with what we don't agree with. 

Someone once told me, "love the sinner, hate the sin".  There are certainly people in my own life who have treated me poorly, who have hurt me deeply, who have insulted me greatly.  Some of them I have been able to forgive, and some I think I have forgiven, and some I have definitely not yet been able to forgive.  It is something I pray about every day.  I struggle with the idea of forgiving not as a means of saying that what they did was ok, but as a way for me to release myself from the hurt and pain that that person has caused me.  Sometimes I feel like if I don't forgive them, it will show them how wrong their actions were but logically I know that the only person who is being affected is me. 

I am a constant work in progress.  The worst thing in life is to be stagnant.  We should always be trying to grow.  If you're not growing, your not living.  Children see things so purely for what they are.  They don't look for hidden meaning, hidden agendas or hidden motives.  They simply take things at face value.  If there is a bump in the road they go around.  If they fall and get hurt, they get back up and move forward.  If someone hurts them they cry and move on.  We are constantly trying to shape our children into productive, responsible adults and I think we forget sometimes to allow ourselves to be shaped by our children as well.  Children have so much to offer us in terms of life lessons.

Please God, help me to learn from my children today.  Please God, help me love those I have disdain for.  Help me learn to love, not to judge.  Help me be a role model of optimism and positivity.  Thank you for the simplicity with which my children view the world.

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Monday, July 29, 2013

Trust your gut.

I think we all have a voice in our heads that tells us what the best choice is for us.  The problem is we often second guess this voice or rebel against it.  Maybe because we are scared to make that difficult choice or uncertain about letting ourselves be vulnerable.  Maybe it's because we are trying to prove ourselves or are just plain stubborn.  Whatever the reason, we all need to learn to listen to that voice more.  Your first instinct is always your best and that can be scary when you are making a life altering decision.  Sometimes I think we allow outside influences to alter what we know is the best choice for ourselves.  We allow ourselves to be talked into or out of the right decision.  Sometimes we allow our own desires to take over instead of listening to our gut.  We want something to be right for us when it's not so we try to make it right instead.

I'm watching a show about people trying to fall in love and I think the reason these shows don't work isn't because the people on it don't sincerely want to be in love.  I think these shows don't work because the people on them talk themselves into feeling in love rather than listening to their instincts.  If the connection were really there, I think they would know immediately, from the first conversation, the first kiss.  When I met my husband, I was very confused.  I was tired of trying to find someone to love me and decided that I didn't need anyone.  That I would be ok all by myself.  I didn't want to find anyone, I wanted to just have fun with my friends and be myself.

So true to form, I was at a bar (of all places!) with my friends from work when my husband walked in with a girl.  I thought he was so cute but he clearly had a girlfriend (of course!!) and I paid no attention to him walking in.  Besides, this summer was going to be all about me!  My best friend wanted to go over and talk to him, she thought he was cute too.  We had a lot of fun talking to him and I found out the girl he was with was just a friend, really!  So we hung out and laughed and had a great time but he had to leave early so I went out on a limb and asked him if he wanted my phone number.  I am super shy so it was a big deal for me to put myself out there like that.  He told me no and then told me he would give me his and that I should call him in ten minutes.  What?!  Are you kidding me?  Normally I would have been like, forget you buddy!  But for some reason, I listened to that little voice in my head that told me to call him.

Everyone I was with that night could see there was a spark between us.  When I called him ten minutes later, I asked him what he was doing.  He told me, "I'm coming to get you."  What?!  He reiterated, "I'm on my way back, I'm coming to get you."  My heart was racing yet at the same time I was totally calm.  It felt right even though I had only talked to him a couple of times before that night and I barely knew him.  That voice was guiding me and I was just allowing myself to be guided.  So we went back to his house and had the best conversation.  Really!  I never met someone who just wanted to learn about me, sincerely.  I never met someone who was so genuine with no ulterior motives.  And we just talked for hours.  When he finally did kiss me, it was like fireworks, literally.  I felt found.  I felt like I was in the exact right place I was supposed to be.  And I knew in that moment that I was kissing my husband.  I even went home that night and woke my mother up to tell her that I had met the man I was going to marry.

We moved pretty quickly.  We said I love you shortly after that and spent every moment together after that first meeting at the bar.  Everyone around us told us we were moving too fast, that we couldn't possibly know already, that we hadn't spent enough time together yet.  But we knew.  And I think when you truly find the one you are supposed to be with forever, that you just know.  We married pretty young and faced a very difficult first year of marriage.  We almost didn't make it because when you are in pain, you want everyone else to be in pain too.  I allowed my pain to push my husband away rather than to have it pull us together.  I am so thankful that my husband did not give up on me as a wife and that he did not allow my pain and my suffering to tear us apart.  I thank God for my husband every day.  Really!!  Not every day is perfect and we argue like any other couple, but I know that he is my soul mate.  He is my best friend and we were put on this earth to be together, united as one in Christ's love.  There is no other person on this earth that I want to spend time with more than my husband and our love grows stronger every day.  Neither one of us remembers our first year of marriage, which is probably a good thing since it really was that bad!  But we are both thankful for that first year too, because without it, we wouldn't be as strong and as in love as we are today. 

I'm glad I listened to my inner voice because I could have allowed my painful past to keep me from love in the future.  Thank you God for the wonderful man that is my husband and best friend.  Dear God, help me to honor him and serve him as a wife and best friend.  Dear God, help me to love and support my husband and our marriage, today and everyday, even when it's hard.  Thank you God for the gift of my soul mate.

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Just a regular day...

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to write about today and just can't seem to come up with anything.  Today was an amazing day but you know what?  Nothing really happened today.  Maybe that's why it was so amazing.  It's fun to do things and go places with the kids.  It's neat to see the kids have new experiences.  But today there wasn't any of that.  We just stayed in and enjoyed the company of our own family.  Thank you God for the beautiful time we were able to spend together today.  When I look at my family I can't even believe that I am blessed enough to be part of such a wonderful family.  There was a time I didn't think I would be able to have children or even still be married for that matter.  In our first year of marriage I lost 3 pregnancies.  There is not a single day that goes by that I don't think about those babies.  Were they boys or girls?  What would their personalities be like?  What would they look like?

I couldn't believe that the first time I tried to get pregnant, I did.  It never occurred to me that something could go wrong.  I never knew anyone who had a miscarriage.  When I lost that baby at 5 weeks, I chalked it up to bad luck.  I also internalized my pain and sadness and grew distant in my relationship with God.  When I lost the next baby at 12 weeks on my honeymoon, I knew there had to be something wrong with me.  I knew something was wrong with the pregnancy and didn't pressure my doctor to take a closer look.  While in tears in her office over the loss of my second baby, she coldly responded, "Having a baby may just not be in the cards for you."  I mean, who says that to a grieving woman?  How can a doctor who helps bring life into the world be so harsh and mean.

I continued to become more depressed, angrier with God, and began to turn to food to feel better.  I promptly switched doctors and demanded that I be tested for whatever I could be tested for to try to figure out why I was losing these babies.  I was so angry with God.  I felt like, why would He do this to me?  I felt like maybe God didn't think I was good enough to be a mommy. 

After several tests that came back normal, I was pregnant for a third time and was cautiously excited.  When I went in for an ultrasound at 8 weeks, the doctor could not find the baby.  I had an ectopic pregnancy.  I was so crushed, I didn't know how I could possibly recover.  I can't even express how the experience harmed my marriage or my relationship with God.  Well, at least that's what I thought at the time.  Exactly 12 months after finding out I was pregnant for the first time, I discovered I was pregnant again.  Needless to say I was nervous throughout my entire pregnancy.  I still am to this day anytime I find out I am expecting.

At the time I was going through all of these horrible experiences, I couldn't understand why.  I couldn't see beyond the plan I had for myself to the plan that God had for me.  Now I look back and am so thankful for the experiences because they made me who I am today.  I never wanted more than three children and now I have four!  I can't imagine my life without my youngest.  Because I didn't have a baby right away, my husband was able to find a job that would allow him to support our family.  Because I lost so many pregnancies, I cherished the newly born child I was bringing into our life and knew that I could not go back to work, that my true calling was raising my baby with the hopes that our family would grow.  My marriage was made stronger than I ever could have imagined because we know that even when it's as dark as one can imagine, we have each other and we will make it through together.  We realized how much we would fight for our marriage, which is not easy!  Above all, these tough experiences helped me find my faith again, my love for God again, and taught me that no matter what choices I make, His plan will always overrule my plan.  God has a bigger dream for us than we could ever dream for ourselves.  I truly believe that.  I think that God is always trying to reach us.  Some of us just listen better than others.  When we don't listen, He has to use more drastic measures to get our attention.  Because of my difficult times, I appreciate so much more the life I have today because I know how bad it could be.  I was just thankful to have one baby, so to be as blessed as I am today with my children, I can't even put into words.  Thankful is truly how I feel every day.  Even on the days that are bad. 

We don't always get to know the why of life, but if we just believe in Him, in His plan, in His love for us, we will never be lost.  One of the hardest things to do is relinquish control but to love Him, is to trust Him and I try everyday to accept God's grace in my life.  I try to hear Him, even when I feel like I can't hear myself.  Please God help me hear you today and everyday so I can be guided by your unflinching love for me and thank you for where you have led me thus far!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Friday, July 26, 2013

You gotta laugh!

Today was a yucky, rainy day.  We were stuck inside all day.  There was nothing particularly bad about today, nor was there anything particularly great about today.  By the time my husband got home from work, I was just feeling really tired and rundown.  I'm not sure what the reason was but I just felt like the wind had been taken out of my sail.  After futzing around on the computer, going in circles trying to figure something out, I went in the basement where everybody was playing.  I talked to my husband for a minute or two about my frustrations while the children were finishing cleaning up the basement.  All of a sudden my four year old began screaming and had his hand in his mouth.  I thought maybe he bit his lip or got a toy clamped onto his lip.  He is often over dramatic so I didn't freak out at his high pitched screaming.

I went closer to him to examine what was wrong with him. After looking into his mouth, I had to just laugh.  He had figured out a way to get a plastic coin wedged between his teeth and couldn't get it out.  LOL!  It was so ridiculous, I didn't know what else to do!  In the meantime, he's devastated and overreacting as usual.  I tried to get it out but wasn't strong enough to.  I called my husband over and after much wiggling, he was able to get the coin out.  It reminded me of the phrase mom's have said for centuries, "If you do that with your face it will stay that way!"  I can't express how many times I have told my son NOT to put toys in his mouth!  And now, he knows that by putting something in his mouth, it could get stuck in there.  I hope that is enough of a reason for him to stop putting toys in his mouth!

The best thing about having children is the laughter that is so abundant in every day.  Children have the ability to laugh moments after a fall or being scolded.  They don't hold a grudge, immediately the slate is clean and they are on to the next moment.  Children are so in the moment it makes me jealous!  I wish I could forget more easily after having an unsettling or negative experience.  I love how my two year old cries at every nap while he falls asleep and two hours later when he wakes up, there is nothing but a smile on his face and constant giggles!  My seven month old wakes me up by cooing and laughing every morning, what a beautiful sound!  I love the bright eyed innocence of children and the eternal optimism they exude.  Please God help me to laugh like a child today and to cherish the laughter of my children each day.  Thank you for the comic relief that my children bring, even on a gloomy day.

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Happy birthday!

Today is my birthday.  It feels like any other day.  I don't need anything and we are cutting back as many extra expenses as possible so my husband and I agreed to not have presents.  I'm trying to lose weight so I chose not to have a cake and today was like any other day.  I didn't feel sad or upset.  I felt like any other day, perfectly content.  I went about my day as usual.  My two oldest children made me birthday cards and they were so excited to give them to me.  It was so adorable to see the excitement in their eyes for my birthday.

While waiting with my four year old for my daughter to be finished with her swim class, I started to prepare him for what was going to happen once we got home.  We talked about how we already ate dinner and that we were just going to go home and take baths, read books, say prayers and go to bed.  He immediately became upset.  He started crying saying no and that it was my birthday.  I told him, "I know it's my birthday but we still have to have bedtime."  He just cried harder and I couldn't figure out what he was so upset about.

Finally he told me, "But mom, we didn't have cake yet!"  I couldn't help but laugh and said that we had no cake at home.  He cried even more and said, "But it's your birthday, we have to have cake!"  It was so adorable.  He just couldn't understand how I could possibly not have cake on my birthday because there are always cakes on birthdays.  It reminded me of how bright eyed and innocent children are.  When you are a child, birthdays are magical and meaningful.  They are a time to celebrate how special a person is and there are certain things that are a must, like cake.  Even though to me my birthday is just like any other day, for my children it is still a magical day and next year I will make sure I have a cake on my birthday.  Not because it is something I need but because it allows my children to see that birthdays are special and can continue to be magical at any age. 

Thank you God for allowing the innocence of my children to open my eyes and teach me something today!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

We all need His love, His guidance, and His forgiveness.

I had my fourth child about 7 months ago and have been on  journey to lose weight for about the last 5 months.  Just seeing how much weight I want to lose feels daunting to begin with.  To help me I decided to join Weight Watchers.  I had never tried a program like that before and I do love a good program!  Everything went fine at first.  I was all geared up and ready to lose that baby weight!  And I did lose too.  But after about 15 pounds I hit a wall and whenever I have a week where I don't lose any weight, I get so frustrated, angry and completely unmotivated.  It's just the excuse I need to abandon my weight loss plan.

When I am in the zone, I have no problem staying on track but when something derails me, I have a very hard time regaining my motivation to get back on track.  I took about a month off from WW.  I got back on with a vengeance and was able to lose 20 more pounds in 8 weeks!  I was so excited and very motivated to keep going.  I downloaded a couch to 5K app on my phone and worked my hardest to walk/run 3 miles every day.  I even chose to go on the treadmill rather than play with my kids, putting my own desires/needs in front of theirs.  That is a very hard thing for me to do.  I hate not being able to spend that special time with them.  After my hard work and sacrificing the time with my children, I lost 0 pounds this last week.

What a self esteem buster!  It is so hard to eat well every day, work out every day and then to not even reap the rewards of such hard work made me feel like, "what the hell am I doing this for?"  So for the last four days I have been on a bender.  It makes me feel out of control.  I hate that feeling.  It makes me feel like a weak, bad person and I hate that feeling too.  I was able to sit down tonight, by myself, and watch a show about a woman just like me.  And I had an "aha" moment.  There was a point in the show where the host told the woman, "you could have told me you were having a hard time and just had a five pound weight gain but you didn't and now you gained 32 pounds!"  Well, I have worked my ass off trying to lose weight and I have become sidetracked.  But now I have a choice to either share my struggle with those who love me so that it is just a small setback or I can keep my struggle to myself and have a major setback that I will thoroughly regret.

So this is me, sharing my struggle so that I can no longer deny that I am on the wrong path.  If I can admit it to myself and own up to it to those around me, then I have to take responsibility.  This is the time when I need His love the most.  I have to trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and that this struggle was given to me by God to make me a better person or to prepare me for something in the future.  I need His guidance to get back on track because nothing is possible without His help.  I need His forgiveness for being harmful to my own body, the only body that he has given me to take care of and I need Him to help me forgive myself.  Forgiving myself is key to getting back on track. 

Thank you God for giving me difficult experiences to help me learn my own strength and thank you for helping me persevere.

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger 

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Sometimes the best plan is the one you didn't plan.

Today was supposed to be a gorgeous day.  Sunny, hot, perfect for swimming and grilling out.  So after we got home from church and ate lunch, we put the babies down for naps and packed a bag for the pool.  We had a plan to grill out at my parents house so I was so excited to see the kids splashing around in the pool and have a nice dinner I didn't have to cook or clean up after.  The two big kids have been taking swimming lessons and I couldn't wait to see them in the big pool using their new skills.

Once the babies woke up, we piled into the car and drove the 30 minutes to my mom and dad's.  The sky grew darker and darker as we drove.  I texted to see if it was raining there but my mom said it wasn't.  Three minutes later she texted me to say that it was and to just meet her at her house.  By the time we got inside my parents house, the rain started to come down.  Not even slow at first, it was like someone filled up a giant bucket and dumped it out all at once.  The rain was bad but the wind was worse.  The temperature dropped about ten degrees and I knew we weren't going to the pool anymore.  I was so disappointed but being the Mom, I had to pretend that it would be much more exciting to not go to the pool.

Luckily, my parents have a hot tub and the kids could not wait to get in.  They splashed, swam, played with toys.  It was adorable.  I couldn't help but gaze at my children in absolute wonder.  Not one of them said one word about the pool.  And my parents are truly amazing.  Every experience that my children have at their home is all about them.  There is special food for them, special drinks, dishes, etc.  As parents we have to keep our children grounded.  You have to build them up without spoiling them, help them have self confidence without developing a big ego, allow them to have fun but not get out of control.  Grandparents are like the opposite.  Their whole job is to make them feel like they are the most important, funny, lovable children in the world.  When they are at my parent's house, it is all about them.  What an amazing and special feeling that must be for a child.

There was a time a doctor told me I may never have children and my heart ached at the idea.  Now my heart aches in a different way when I see my four beautiful, perfect children.  Children are God's greatest creation.  They are so innocent, so wholesome, and so open to the world around them.  When I breathe it all in and see how truly blessed I am, I almost can't stand it, I almost don't believe it.  It's like I'm dreaming and could wake up at any time.  God truly dreams a bigger dream for us then we could ever dream ourselves.  Walking out of church a women told me how beautiful my children are and to cherish this time because it goes so fast.  I realize this to be true but won't be able to fully comprehend it until my children are grown.  Please God help me capture the memories of today so I can remember them tomorrow.

And just when I start to get lost in how blessed and beautiful my life is, someone says they have poop.  Lol!  Today it was my four year old, standing in the middle of my mother's kitchen with diarrhea running down his leg.  BAM!  Right back to reality, time to take off the rose colored glasses and get back into the dirty business of life.  And while my husband was cleaning him up, I tried to keep my seven month old from putting her hands in her own poop while I changed her diaper.   Laughter is the only way to survive.  If you can't laugh when times are trying, how are you going to make it to the times when it's not.  So thank you God for the gift of laughter and please help me find the humor, even on the worst days!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Friday, July 19, 2013

Where is the reset button?

Have you ever had a day where you wish you could just go back to bed and start the whole day over again.  Not even to change the way your days goes but maybe just to mentally prepare yourself for the day ahead.  Sometimes the day just hits you like a ton of bricks.  You wake up, feeling good, ready to have a great day and then BAM!, your flat on your ass trying to keep up with all the chaos surrounding you.  Well that is my day today, and it's not even 2 in the afternoon yet! 

The day started out fine.  My baby woke up just after 7 after a 12 hour sleep.  I was up a little bit late the night before but was still able to get 7 hours of sleep so I felt fine getting out of bed.  No one else was up so it was nice to just nurse her on the couch and catch the beginning of the news.  My four year old came down next and he was in a great mood, not too silly.  My two year old has a bad cold but is still in a good mood.  I went upstairs to get my two year old and help my children brush teeth and get dressed.  We are still doing well at this point.

After getting dressed we head back downstairs to eat breakfast.  All four kids are at the table eating (well the baby is in her high chair) and using nice manners.  After my two oldest head down to the basement to play, I send my two year old down to join them.  All I have to do is clean up the baby and wipe down the table, and then I can head downstairs and play with them.  This takes me less than five minutes but do you think that my four year old could leave my two year old alone for that long?  Nooooooooo!  All I can hear is my two year old crying and screaming because his brother is taking his toys, yelling at him, pushing him away, and just being downright rude.  Now this is pretty typical, albeit, annoying, so I push past this and head on down.  We calmly talk it out and things are fine, until five minutes later when I go upstairs to put the baby in her bed (literally 15 seconds!) and hear more screaming.

Well the annoyances between the two boys continued so I was a little on edge and whenever I am preoccupied with my own worries and things to do, it's always harder.  When it was time to clean up, my six year old started cleaning right away, while my four year old began to laugh and throw toys.  Are all four year old boys like this?!  Is this what my two year old is going to turn into?  Of course, that just made my two year old start to behave silly too.  Usually this doesn't bother me, but after all the bickering in the morning and the distractions going on in my own mind, I just couldn't handle it anymore.  I yelled at my four year old to take a time out, which he laughed at, which made me more incensed!  I hate to yell at my children.  I try everything possible to make sure I don't yell.  I count, I ignore and then I pray.  But when all that fails, I yell.  When my four year old told me "NO!  I'm not going to!" and threw a toy at me, I just about lost it.  Thank you God for giving me self control!!  I yelled at him to go upstairs in his room, which again he laughed at.  Now we don't have any toys in our kids' bedrooms so you would think this would be enough to make him stop. 

With my four year old upstairs, my two year old took over the reigns of being out of control.  He began being way to silly.  When asked to sit in a time out or clean, he cried, ran, laughed and threw toys.  When asked to just sit down then, he decided to pee his pants.  After showering him and getting him dressed I then had to put him in his room to calm down as well.  My poor girls were just caught in the midst of all of this chaos and trying to make sure they weren't a part of it.  When we finally sat down to lunch 30 minutes later, I felt like I had been up for three straight days, gone on a roller coaster for hours and just wanted to cry.  And throughout the entire ordeal, I just continued to pray because what else can I do?  I prayed to my mother Mary, to guide me as a mother with these beautiful children of God.  I prayed to Jesus to help me stay calm and rational.  I prayed to God to never forget what a blessing it is to be able to be at home with my children, to be the one who not only has to but is blessed enough to be there to deal with all the chaos.  But still I can't help wondering if I was prepared for what kind of a morning it was going to be, if maybe I could have handled the situation better.  Or maybe I would have decided to not get out of bed at all!  Lol!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

live and let God

The hardest thing in life sometimes is to let go.  Let go of the idea that we are in control of everything.  That we can somehow control all the miscellanea in and around our lives.  That if we had just done this last year or bought that instead or not tried whatever, things would be different.  It's all the same really.  No matter what it is we choose to do, it is the right choice.  The only choice.  There are no wrong choices, only learning experiences.  There should be no regret because regret means it wasn't meant to be, meant to happen.  But the truth is, it is always meant to be.  God has a plan for you.  He has a plan for me.  And as much as I would like to think that I am the one driving my own ship, I am sorely mistaken.  God is always the one in control.  He is so kind to allow us to think that we are controlling all extenuating circumstances, but He knows.  He knows that He has already seen where we are going.  He already knows what choices we would choose.  He already knows what lessons He intends to teach us with each decision that we make.

It is so easy to think "I wish I wouldn't have made that choice."  But that choice, be it good or bad, was meant to be, meant to be made by you.  And there is a purpose in every experience.  God is constantly preparing us.  So if we are upset because something hasn't occurred yet, like having a baby, getting a better job, finding a better house, it is because we aren't ready yet.  Has it ever occurred to you that you aren't ready to receive the blessing you are wishing for?  Has it ever occurred to you that God is preparing you for the blessings he has in store for you and that if you are patient and trust in His love for you, that you will receive His blessing.  When you are ready.  Patience, no doubt, is a virtue.  For me it is one of the most difficult to possess.  But God is patient and He expects us to be as well.

There is a passage in the Bible where Jesus' disciples are asking Him to tell them more, show them more.  And He tells them, you're not ready yet.  When you are ready I will show you more, but right now, you're not ready yet.

I am very happy with where my life is now, but there are things I would take back if I could and I have to keep reminding myself that those things were meant to be and in order to be prepared for the blessings that God has in store for me in the future, I have to be able to learn and grow from my experiences.  Because when God is ready for me, I want to be ready for Him.  I don't want to miss out on the amazing things that God has planned for me, even if it means I have to trudge through the mud to get there.  Thank you God for your constant support and guidance.  Please help me to never lose faith in Your chosen path for me.  Please help me accept Your grace in my life.

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Monday, July 15, 2013

A day of catch up

Mondays are always my catch up day.  No matter what.  The laundry needs to be folded, the kitchen needs to be picked up, and the toys lying around every square inch of the first floor and basement need to be put away.  Not only did I have my usual catch up work to do, I also took Saturday and Sunday off from working out.  It seemed like a good idea and necessary at the time but now I'm wishing I didn't have to make up all that time!  The treadmill is one of those things for me though that even though I don't want to do it EVER, once I'm on and after I'm done, I feel so awesome.  My body feels lighter and so does my mind.  It also gives me a great opportunity to talk to God, offer prayer for those in need, and reflect on what I'm trying to accomplish in my life, not just physically but spiritually, emotionally, etc.  It is also one of the only times I can listen to music that I like that I NEVER want my children to hear!

Mondays are probably my least favorite day just because there is always so much to do after a busy weekend but it is also calming to me.  It brings me back into reality, back to the day to day routine, back to the mundane.  Back to normal.  And back to normal is always a good thing.  Mondays are like God's way of hitting the reset button.  So even though, I don't like Mondays, thank you God for hitting the reset button for me every Monday and giving me a fresh start each week!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Sunday, July 14, 2013


Do you ever feel like you know where you want to go but just can't quite figure out how to get there?  We are just constantly trying to keep up with all the day to day responsibilities.  It would be nice to feel like we are ahead of the game rather than just trying to stay in the race.  I know that patience is a virtue but it is one that I find most difficult.  We are torn between being close to an amazing school for our children or being close to my parents who help us so much and are wonderful to be around.  We are also hoping to someday build a house but my parents and the school are both staying in the same place and with no affordable options between the two it frustrating.  We want to have a nice place to raise our family but it has to be affordable too.  We are in a great house right now and in a great neighborhood but...I don't know, it's hard to put into words I guess....

I drove around all day looking at houses and subdivisions with my mom.  It was really horrible.  Especially since I am a total homebody.  I would much rather just be at home enjoying my children, not in the car all day.  To make it even worse, my seven month old started crawling today!!  All I wanted to do was be at home with her and watch her motor around!  My three older children all started crawling at 7 months and my baby actually turned seven months today!  So eerie!  It was such a beautiful moment though.  She had been working so hard to start moving around and to finally see it all click today, man, it just made me smile all day.

Today just felt frustrating.  I want to know that we are not on the hamster wheel and that there will be some financial freedom to be where we want to be.  Too bad we can't move the school closer to my parents!  Sometimes I wish I could be ok having the kids at any school...Being a former educator, I want my kids to be as prepared as possible for each next step.  Wouldn't it be nice if you could have someone say to you, "Ok.  If you do this and this and this, you will have enough money to live here or build this."  That's the best part of life though, right?  Taking all the twists and turns and praying that each choice you make is the right one is what life is all about right?  Thank you God for the gift of faith, because without faith and your grace, I would be on a twisty, windy road blindfolded!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Thank you God for the blessing of today!

I was so excited to wake up today because my daughter turned six a week ago and we put together a surprise party for her at a roller skating rink.  There are so many times that it almost slipped out and I love doing things that are surprising and make people happy it was hard not to!  Unfortunately for my daughter, she will remember that party even more because of the black eye she wore.  My four year old accidently fell on her while they were jumping on the trampoline and now she has the biggest shiner I've ever seen!

It was so amazing to see my daughter trying and working and not giving up on her roller skates.  She wanted so badly to be able to roller skate.  She is a clumsy child who is always falling and stumbling and losing her balance.  Just like her mother I guess.  But she did wonderfully on her roller skates.  It's amazing how the little things in life can just  make your heart swell up!  I felt so proud of her for working so hard to skate and for skating so well on her first trip to the skating rink.  I think by the time I left, my face hurt from laughing and smiling.

My two year old was also in skates and he just kept cracking us all up.  He was jumping, going backwards and laughing the entire time!  It was absolutely adorable to watch him going around and around the rink as if he were just like all the other big kids.  He has no idea his size or age, he just goes with the flow.  It surely helped that he was wearing plastic roller skates that are practically impossible to fall in.  My four year old started in regular roller skates but after numerous falls and uncontrollable crying, he switched to the plastic skates as well.  Once he was in the easier skates he felt like a pro and was zooming around with everyone else.

The only bad part about today?  NO NAPS!  Aaaah!  There is a reason God made children with a need to nap.  My four year old was so exhausted by 5 o clock that all he could do was cry.  It wasn't even like a boisterous cry, it was one of those silent cries.  Like he's so upset he can't even get any sound out!  LOL!  Poor guy.  We would ask him what was wrong and he just couldn't even form the words to explain it.  Of course, when kids are crying because they are tired, they don't really know how to explain why they are crying because they don't even know why themselves.  I'm glad I am a mom who VERY rarely skips naps.  My in laws like to say I'm anal or inflexible but I consider myself a realist who understands that a child's need is more important than my desire.  I also understand that THEY don't have to deal with my crabby children when they skip a nap!

There is nothing sexier than seeing your husband be a fun, silly daddy with his kids!  I think my husband wants to go back to the skating rink tomorrow....ha!

Now I am so exhausted I can't wait to pass out to mindless tv on the couch.  Life is all about days like today.  Days that are unforgettable for everyone involved.  Thank you God for the blessing of today!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

Friday, July 12, 2013

spilled milk everyday? really?

I had my alarm go off this morning for 6 am, which comes so much sooner when you haven't gone to bed until after midnight.  When will I learn that I am not a college kid who only needs 5 hours of sleep?!  When I'm that tired I don't actually hear my alarm clock but am somehow able to turn it off.  Waking up to a talking baby is the best alarm anyway!

My four year old came in to tell me he had gone potty through his pull up.  Again.  Why do we even put one on him, he pees through it almost every other day?  Any tips for getting him out of a pull up at night?  He is by far my most challenging right now.  We seem to be going in circles with him when it comes to his behavior choices as well.  Even though he uses a cup with a top on it, he seems to find a way to spill milk at the table everyday.  Mostly because he is just not paying attention to his body and what he's doing.  Today he dropped his cereal bowl on the floor, lol!  I have to laugh because otherwise I would probably yell.  Is this how all four year old boys are?  When my daughter was four, she was very different!

What is it about four year old boys?  Are they unable to touch things without breaking them?  I'm pretty sure my son broke at least three things today.  Sometimes teaching the same lesson over and over and over and over and over again is exhausting!

Just finished my couch to 5K app.  How come no one tells you that after you have a baby you aren't going to look like they do in a movie?  You know, one day your belly is the size of a beach ball and after the baby comes out your flat tummy miraculously returns...I guess having 4 kids in 5 1/2 years can wreak havoc on your body but I'm sure my food and exercise (or no exercise) had an impact as well.  Either way, I'm left now with a body I don't recognize from my pre-baby days and the hard work it takes to try to get back, assuming I don't get pregnant again in the meantime!  I also wish that women in Hollywood would quit losing their baby weight in three weeks because it puts such unrealistic pressure on those of us in the real world to keep up.  Oh well, the hard work always pays off, but what I wouldn't give to be able to just eat whatever I want and never have to step foot on a treadmill!  LOL!

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger

A little behind in learning to blog...

Hello everyone, er, anyone who is reading this.  I am a child of  the digital age but when it comes to blogging, I might as well be an 85 year old lady because I know pretty much nothing about blogging!  All I know is that the Real Housewives have blogs that apparently cause a lot of problems, seeing as how they are always being referenced on the reunion shows.  I guess I'll start by just saying a little about myself and why I decided to not be a "blogger virgin" anymore.

I am a SAHM and have been for the past 6 years.  I used to be a teacher at a public elementary school but after having 3 miscarriages in the first 12 months of my marriage, I felt that God was trying to pull me in a different direction.  Well, I wouldn't say I heard God's voice at that particular time in my life since it's hard to hear much of anything when someone is that lost in their own pain and anger, but now I realize that God wasn't trying to whisper to me, He was in an all out scream!  After completely turning away from my faith and my marriage, I became pregnant with my oldest.  It was a difficult pregnancy due to my own constant worrying about losing this precious life growing inside of me.  My daughter was born healthy and I was pregnant again by the time she turned 1. 

Somewhere during my fifth pregnancy, I had an "aha" moment.  I had suddenly felt God's hand in my life.  Not just where my life was at that particular moment, but throughout my entire life.  I compare it to being in a dark room and suddenly having the lights turned on.  Suddenly, I saw everything around me in a way I had never seen before.  I realized that God had a plan for me and that his plan might not be the plan I had for myself but that it is by far the best plan for my life.  I had a thirst to learn more about my faith and with the help of my SIL, I began to read and better understand how to accept God's grace in my life.  Since making the decision to being open to His plan for me, I would definitely say that the internal struggle I felt before is gone.  It's like walking on a treadmill, expecting to go somewhere and finding yourself in the same place you started.  But once I began to make choices that He was urging me to make, things in my life started to flow.  I felt like I finally found my calling.

So four kids later and six years of staying at home, I have not tired of my new role in life.  I relish the plan that God has for me.  I love my job because that is what I consider it to be.  I am a mom, homemaker, organizer, party planner, cook, house cleaner, etc.  Call me what you want, I just consider it to all fall under the same job title-Mom.  I don't wish for more, like employment outside of the home or less stress in the home.  I truly love what I do everyday and am thankful everyday that I have a DH who works so hard for me to be able to continue to stay at home.  I also hope to add more little ones to our family but of course, that is in God's hands and I trust that if our family is ready to grow, that God will bless us with another beautiful life. 

I guess I've decided to start a blog just to see what it's all about.  There are some crazy things that happen and so many funny stories to share that I thought maybe the blogosphere would be a good place to share some of them because maybe others will be able to relate or maybe someone else will see that they are not the only one.  I hope you enjoyed reading my blog and I will post again soon, assuming I figure out how to!

Busy Mommy Blogger