Monday, July 29, 2013

Trust your gut.

I think we all have a voice in our heads that tells us what the best choice is for us.  The problem is we often second guess this voice or rebel against it.  Maybe because we are scared to make that difficult choice or uncertain about letting ourselves be vulnerable.  Maybe it's because we are trying to prove ourselves or are just plain stubborn.  Whatever the reason, we all need to learn to listen to that voice more.  Your first instinct is always your best and that can be scary when you are making a life altering decision.  Sometimes I think we allow outside influences to alter what we know is the best choice for ourselves.  We allow ourselves to be talked into or out of the right decision.  Sometimes we allow our own desires to take over instead of listening to our gut.  We want something to be right for us when it's not so we try to make it right instead.

I'm watching a show about people trying to fall in love and I think the reason these shows don't work isn't because the people on it don't sincerely want to be in love.  I think these shows don't work because the people on them talk themselves into feeling in love rather than listening to their instincts.  If the connection were really there, I think they would know immediately, from the first conversation, the first kiss.  When I met my husband, I was very confused.  I was tired of trying to find someone to love me and decided that I didn't need anyone.  That I would be ok all by myself.  I didn't want to find anyone, I wanted to just have fun with my friends and be myself.

So true to form, I was at a bar (of all places!) with my friends from work when my husband walked in with a girl.  I thought he was so cute but he clearly had a girlfriend (of course!!) and I paid no attention to him walking in.  Besides, this summer was going to be all about me!  My best friend wanted to go over and talk to him, she thought he was cute too.  We had a lot of fun talking to him and I found out the girl he was with was just a friend, really!  So we hung out and laughed and had a great time but he had to leave early so I went out on a limb and asked him if he wanted my phone number.  I am super shy so it was a big deal for me to put myself out there like that.  He told me no and then told me he would give me his and that I should call him in ten minutes.  What?!  Are you kidding me?  Normally I would have been like, forget you buddy!  But for some reason, I listened to that little voice in my head that told me to call him.

Everyone I was with that night could see there was a spark between us.  When I called him ten minutes later, I asked him what he was doing.  He told me, "I'm coming to get you."  What?!  He reiterated, "I'm on my way back, I'm coming to get you."  My heart was racing yet at the same time I was totally calm.  It felt right even though I had only talked to him a couple of times before that night and I barely knew him.  That voice was guiding me and I was just allowing myself to be guided.  So we went back to his house and had the best conversation.  Really!  I never met someone who just wanted to learn about me, sincerely.  I never met someone who was so genuine with no ulterior motives.  And we just talked for hours.  When he finally did kiss me, it was like fireworks, literally.  I felt found.  I felt like I was in the exact right place I was supposed to be.  And I knew in that moment that I was kissing my husband.  I even went home that night and woke my mother up to tell her that I had met the man I was going to marry.

We moved pretty quickly.  We said I love you shortly after that and spent every moment together after that first meeting at the bar.  Everyone around us told us we were moving too fast, that we couldn't possibly know already, that we hadn't spent enough time together yet.  But we knew.  And I think when you truly find the one you are supposed to be with forever, that you just know.  We married pretty young and faced a very difficult first year of marriage.  We almost didn't make it because when you are in pain, you want everyone else to be in pain too.  I allowed my pain to push my husband away rather than to have it pull us together.  I am so thankful that my husband did not give up on me as a wife and that he did not allow my pain and my suffering to tear us apart.  I thank God for my husband every day.  Really!!  Not every day is perfect and we argue like any other couple, but I know that he is my soul mate.  He is my best friend and we were put on this earth to be together, united as one in Christ's love.  There is no other person on this earth that I want to spend time with more than my husband and our love grows stronger every day.  Neither one of us remembers our first year of marriage, which is probably a good thing since it really was that bad!  But we are both thankful for that first year too, because without it, we wouldn't be as strong and as in love as we are today. 

I'm glad I listened to my inner voice because I could have allowed my painful past to keep me from love in the future.  Thank you God for the wonderful man that is my husband and best friend.  Dear God, help me to honor him and serve him as a wife and best friend.  Dear God, help me to love and support my husband and our marriage, today and everyday, even when it's hard.  Thank you God for the gift of my soul mate.

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger