Tuesday, July 23, 2013

We all need His love, His guidance, and His forgiveness.

I had my fourth child about 7 months ago and have been on  journey to lose weight for about the last 5 months.  Just seeing how much weight I want to lose feels daunting to begin with.  To help me I decided to join Weight Watchers.  I had never tried a program like that before and I do love a good program!  Everything went fine at first.  I was all geared up and ready to lose that baby weight!  And I did lose too.  But after about 15 pounds I hit a wall and whenever I have a week where I don't lose any weight, I get so frustrated, angry and completely unmotivated.  It's just the excuse I need to abandon my weight loss plan.

When I am in the zone, I have no problem staying on track but when something derails me, I have a very hard time regaining my motivation to get back on track.  I took about a month off from WW.  I got back on with a vengeance and was able to lose 20 more pounds in 8 weeks!  I was so excited and very motivated to keep going.  I downloaded a couch to 5K app on my phone and worked my hardest to walk/run 3 miles every day.  I even chose to go on the treadmill rather than play with my kids, putting my own desires/needs in front of theirs.  That is a very hard thing for me to do.  I hate not being able to spend that special time with them.  After my hard work and sacrificing the time with my children, I lost 0 pounds this last week.

What a self esteem buster!  It is so hard to eat well every day, work out every day and then to not even reap the rewards of such hard work made me feel like, "what the hell am I doing this for?"  So for the last four days I have been on a bender.  It makes me feel out of control.  I hate that feeling.  It makes me feel like a weak, bad person and I hate that feeling too.  I was able to sit down tonight, by myself, and watch a show about a woman just like me.  And I had an "aha" moment.  There was a point in the show where the host told the woman, "you could have told me you were having a hard time and just had a five pound weight gain but you didn't and now you gained 32 pounds!"  Well, I have worked my ass off trying to lose weight and I have become sidetracked.  But now I have a choice to either share my struggle with those who love me so that it is just a small setback or I can keep my struggle to myself and have a major setback that I will thoroughly regret.

So this is me, sharing my struggle so that I can no longer deny that I am on the wrong path.  If I can admit it to myself and own up to it to those around me, then I have to take responsibility.  This is the time when I need His love the most.  I have to trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and that this struggle was given to me by God to make me a better person or to prepare me for something in the future.  I need His guidance to get back on track because nothing is possible without His help.  I need His forgiveness for being harmful to my own body, the only body that he has given me to take care of and I need Him to help me forgive myself.  Forgiving myself is key to getting back on track. 

Thank you God for giving me difficult experiences to help me learn my own strength and thank you for helping me persevere.

Thanks for reading!

Busy Mommy Blogger